Year Five

It is so hard to believe that this year will mark five years since my life changed. It was a change that I didn’t know was coming. It was not easy, if you read my past blogs you will see that they reflect that long journey out of the trench that life threw me in. From losing my husband to finding myself. It has been a road of figuring out just exactly what God’s plan for my life was. I learned to be more self confident, I had to be more gentle with my own inter-talk. I am always kind to others, I had to learn to be kind to myself too. I had to learn that I am so much more stronger than I thought and once I tapped into the strength that God sent me, I have become a force. 

I have also come to the conclusion that God has big plans for me. I just had to stop being so mad at him for taking my life and giving it a 90 degree turn. I was not ready for it, yet after closing my eyes and just holding on and letting go, God has seen me through. I look forward to this year, for last was such a hard one. Losing my mother-in-law was much like losing her son. She was a best friend, an advisor, and a cheerleader. I am a better person for loving her and knowing her and her son. I do my best to make her proud. I think she watches over me and is with me often. I find myself talking to her more than I talk to her son. He is one that I still struggle to speak to, if I try I just end up in a huge blubbery mess. He is not going to understand a single word though I am certain he knows my heart. He also knows that we speak of him often and celebrate him and his life. I also know that together they know, my heart. There is just no way of ever being ready to lose those we love so dearly. But when we lean on God, he does help us through.

This new year, will mark an amazing one I believe. I will finish my third book and hopefully maybe even the fourth. I seen a famous person talking the other day, I can’t say whom because I don’t have permission to say, but that person made a huge impact on me. The person talked about what our gift from God was, it was the one thing that we as an individual can do so easily without thinking about it. The person talked about having a passion knowing from a young age just exactly what they wanted to do. That person has done what they set out to do. Even though that journey was filled with the hardest obstacles that anyone could face. Don’t give up on God. Don’t let others take away from you what God has planned for you. The person said “If you woke up today, it’s because God hasn’t given you all that he has planned for you. Get up follow that passion and go out and work, and put the effort in so that God sees that you are ready for what he has planned for you.”

My passion has only ever been one thing, writing, story telling, teaching. All of these things are tied together. For me some of the best books in history tell amazing stories with Characters that we fall in love with, and a life lesson hidden deep in the lines that only jumps out at you at the very end. Even books with sad endings that leave tear stains on the fragile pages, they still teach a lesson. The books that we tend to remember so well are the ones that have a direct impact on how we see life or how we feel about something.

My life long dream was to write a book that changed someone’s life. That helped them out of darkness and into a place where they could wake up and be thankful for another day that they get to do what they are passionate about. If they are not doing it now then hopefully they wake up with the renewed spirit to continue to reach for what they are passionate for.

Passion drives this country. Without it we wouldn’t have the beautiful works of art that we have, or the modern medicine that now helps cure things we never thought possible. Think of the all the technology that is now at our fingertips, that wouldn’t be possible if someone didn’t wake up and pursue their passion and chase after what God had intended for them. I want all the good things that God intended for me. Even if it isn’t much more than what I already have.

Yes, five years ago our lives took that 90 degree turn, but even in the hardship I have to say that I am thankful to God for getting us through. Though we are heartbroken we are indeed blessed, and we are still here to chase after God and all the good he has intended for us.

I pray that this year if you do not know your passion that you too start the journey of finding it. Do a million little things you’ve never thought you would do, maybe something will click. Or maybe you just build up the courage to finally do the one thing you know in your heart you were made to do. That has been my biggest achievement the past year, learning how to have courage. I may still fight fear many days but I’m doing life afraid and learning that courage is right there where I didn’t know I had it.

One Day At A Time

Not long ago I did something I never thought I would do. I started out at a new job, no this is nothing new, everyone does it. But not everyone says I’m leaving a good job and I’m taking another to get where I want to be. Around here you are lucky to find a job that pays well enough for you to drive to it. I live in a small community, and I know what you are thinking. Just move to the bigger city. I am not a city person. I am a nice quiet street with hardly any neighbors to bother you kind of person. I have that where I am, so I stay. It is a good community and an amazing school system. We stay.

Anyways, I did drive to an amazing job that I loved. The people were kind and knew their jobs well. Even better than that they knew how to do work at work and leave home at home. Yes, there were times when we talked about kids or husbands and life, but for the most part we talked about work. Then worked hard. I enjoyed the job even though it wasn’t really all that challenging, what it did do was show me how to run a large payroll system and I learned the capabilities of what they can do. Then life hits as always trouble is around the bend. My personal life went south and I needed some time away so my son and I joined an old friend and her son and off to Branson for a weekend. It is what I needed. I talked about work and how much I have learned and what amazing things these newer systems can do.

That is when my friend offered me a position at her office. A place I had worked before, it was hard to leave that place but I had to. I was so distracted by life and drowning in work that I just could not focus on anything. Grief does that, it distracts you even when you think you are doing good, for a while it is just always right in your face. The job I had was way too much and not focusing meant things got behind and I needed to breathe. So I left.

Yet here she was offering a dream position. HR Administrator. A position I would have to work years for and then hope that I would stumble on an opening. As those are few and far between. Then she dropped the bomb on the pay and I knew I was in. I didn’t have to drive anymore and I would no longer have to miss anything like ballgames and programs my son would be in. It’s just a few short more years and he will be out of school and I will miss these busy years. So being close to home is worth so much more in these last few years of motherhood that I have left. I mean I will always be a mom, but there is a big difference between a school mom and an empty nest mom. 

Needless to say, I took the job and have been there almost two months. It has flown by. My weeks have been nothing but a blur. Suddenly we are making changes to policies and looking at adding some features that I believe will add value to our systems. Systems that have not changed since I left. Which in a way is kind of sad, that place is always moving and growing and it’s systems should be growing with it. Not only that but so should the people, they should feel as if they are being invested in that they are part of a bigger team and our projects are a big part of success for the team. I am working on building a new culture for the company. One of teamwork and our success is their success as well. Being known for a safe work environment is something we need to stress to our guys and an incentive program will really help us on this. 

There are a lot of things the owners are implementing are really exciting. I get to be a part of that. It has been eye opening how much of a step back really helped move me forward. I have lived most of my life with people who said “you’re not ready yet.” I have always been the kind of person who set out to do what others said I couldn’t. Yet for the first time in my life I was the one who decided to step back. It paid off and I am thankful for the things I learned while I did. I learned how to be a good leader and how to keep work and home separate. Those things have been so valuable and now I get to work on other things that excite me. While making the money I know I am worth. 

So knowing when to pull away even when we are scared to do it was such a valuable thing to me. I learned how to make changes even when I was so scared to make them. I am excited to be home, to no longer be afraid to use my voice and push ideas even if they are turned down. What I have learned is at work it is work and it is either good for the business or it is not, it is nothing personal it indeed is business. Yet when you bring a good idea and it is followed through that causes such a great deal of pride. Something most people work years for and never feel that they get. That will be my job, learning how to make the little guy know that his position no matter how small is just as important as all the other positions out there. This one goal makes me so excited to go to work, and it keeps me motivated to learn and improve as much as possible. 

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and I look forward to writing more and more as I am working on how to balance work and home and having more time to do so!

A New Life

Many times in my young life I wondered where would I end up? Did it matter, I struggled to think of dreams let alone chase them. My life has been far from a fairy tale and growing up when and when I did that fact isn’t surprising to me at all. Yet in the past few days strange thoughts keep popping into my head. Like today for example, each morning I get up early and drive about 45 minutes to work. Now I’ve driven this distance before just never to the city that I now work. My drive starts out simple, usually it’s just me, yet by the time I get about halfway to the city, I am joined in by many people. Each day I do what my daughter has taught me and I use my phone to order and pay for my favorite morning matcha.

I take pride in being able to do this. To order and then just be able to walk in and pick it up. In this odd way it gives me a sense that I have my life somewhat organized. I then come into work and I sit at my cubical and enjoy the few moments of quiet while I clock in and check my email. Today doing these simple things got me thinking, and one thought pounded it’s way to the forefront. I love my job. O feel important and for the first time in my life I’m not killing myself wondering if I’m good enough for the people around me. I’m not killing myself trying to impress someone. I’m just working. And when I don’t have work, someone else does. There is always something to do. I am doing what I went to school for, and I am happy.

The next thought though isn’t so kind. I miss writing. My last job they encouraged me to write. There was way too much down time. Now there is none. There is good and bad in that. The good, staying busy makes my days fly by. The bad, no time to write. I miss it, my true talent and passion being put off because I am once again afraid. What if it’s not good enough what if no one reads it? Yet there is this very loud voice in my head that says if you don’t write then you will never know.

So tomorrow starts my new life. The one where I make time to write. To do what I love. After all if you ever talked to someone who is considered highly successful they would tell you they chased the dream even when you didn’t want to. It is hard work but every single one of them made it. I can too.

So my new life looks good, I’ll make mistakes, have to apologize and hopefully won’t screw up too badly. But I will make it. I am putting that piece of me back where it belongs. I feel amazing by this thought. I am happy.

Treasure

How does death change your perspective?

Have you ever been told death is a thief? I have. I used to wonder what does that mean? What exactly did it steal? I mean I understood what death was. It was never seeing someone again. I think I was seven or eight when my grandfather passed away. It simply meant that I would never see him again. I didn’t understand the value of the treasure that I had lost. Maybe it is time that is the thief, and death is the result. Yet time can only do what it does, it ticks away, and as it does, life ticks away with it. It was only when I lost my husband that I realized what the thief was taking, be it time or death. It steals our greatest treasure, our love. Knowing we are loved in this hard, cold world is the most valuable treasure we could ever hold. And time ticks as death slowly steals that from us.

Perspective changes in loss, but how did mine change? It forced me to stop being who I thought others wanted me to be, so that the real me could step out and come alive. Yes, death taught me to live. I thought I had it all. A warm safe home, someone who loved me dearly and a good job. Yet deep down I was not happy. I didn’t know how to go for the things I wanted out of life. How to push down fear and just go for my dreams. Death taught me how to do that. I have now traveled to places I had only dreamed of. I have written two books and I have learned that fulling those dreams has enriched me even more. I now know my value, and I have become the woman I want to be.

I know death has completely turned around who I am. It was like the realization that I was truly only half living and I had to stop dreaming of a full life and create one. I let others in the driver’s seat of my life and while it took a while, death taught me that as long as I let others control me and tell me what my value was I would never understand and know my own value. I am who I am and I am proud of who that is. Death taught me to live. Because I let fear rule my life, when I faced death, I learned that I was brave and bold and stronger than I ever thought possible.

It’s been almost four years since I faced death, and I have faced it and know that I can still live. I think of a verse in the Bible that talks about storing up your treasures in heaven so that they cannot be solen. As a kid I thought that meant actual treasure. As if you could earn treasure down here on Earth by doing great deeds. As an adult I have learned that means your loved ones! Teach them about God, raise them to be servants of the one true God and they will be reunited with you in heaven. Love is the most valuable treasure one can ever find. And yes losing that love when someone passes, is like losing the most valuable treasure in the world. Yet knowing that my love is in heaven and learning that I can have more than one love in this life only means that I will have all the more treasure in heaven.

Yes, when we lose those, we love we also lose our perspective as we feel the loss of their love. We start out in one place emotionally and end up in an very different place. Sometimes it takes a while to get there because we can only focus on what we have lost. We lose the ability to hear them say I love you, to feel their arms wrap around us and feel their warmth and the love they send out. But it is still there. It is there in memory. We found it though, in the way we laugh about our memories of him. I see it in my kid’s faces how they look, and sound like him. I may have lost his physical presence, but I have not lost him. I am just separated from him. I also do what he asked me to. I live. I find love, I find a way to be happy. I have done that by finding a way to be brave and do the things I love to do. It is as if I can feel him with me when I do the things that scare me the most. He is with me and he is also with the people that he loved very much. Those we have lost along the way. I have dreamed of him just a few times, since he passed, always he seems happy and is the young man that he was when I met him. It has been those few dreams that has brought me the most peace and the ability to do exactly what he and I at one time talked about, I am living.

So the new perspective after death, there are many. My life has completely changed because I have learned how to live, how to know where real value comes from. It comes from love for it is the only true treasure in this world, for when it is lost it is the one thing that truly brings on grief and the knowledge that something is just gone. Love the most valuable thing anyone can have or do.

Dee

Lake House

We finally made it to Florida. We arrived around six thirty in the evening and man is it beautiful here. The excitement of seeing a new place is always fun for the kids and very loud for the adults. Our tiny cabin is perfect, about the size of a large hotel suite but with privacy. This is the kind of think I have always wanted to do. The price is great and the location away from traffic and loud neighbors and slamming doors of a hotel. Peace is what comes to mind here. I am so excited the morning and evenings can finally be filled with what I am so passionate about. Writing.

The fishing has begun and so have the declarations of this is great! My family is having fun and for that I am so grateful for them and their willingness to go on crazy adventures with mom. The car is full of laughter and stories and lots of questions, followed up by “I have no idea, Google it.” Then laughter as we learn something new. The drive was not too bad, but I wonder when it is your first time to go somewhere if you will always think well that wasn’t too bad. Or maybe we just knew it would be two long days in a car. Whatever it is, we did it well. Though I was very disappointed in the route I chose. Mainly because I thought let’s drive the coast and see the water! Well, it was good in theory, but reality is, all we got to see was trees. Now I have to admit that we really don’t have that in the plains of Oklahoma. Yes, we have trees, but not like this. It was still a beautiful drive and when we got to finally see water and make it to Mobil and got to go through a tunnel, it was decided right there and then, the coast drive was worth it. Though it may not be the way we take home.

It is amazing to think that others see this every day and it is normal. The trees the never-ending line of cars and the sounds. It brings me back to standing on the edge of the Grand Cayon and listening to nothing and wondering about those that traveled many, many years ago and came across the canyon. Did they stop to take a breath and think wow this is beautiful. Or did they think, how in the world will we cross this! We will be standing out by the ocean very soon and like others we will stand in awe of what God has made and like many others, we will say “My God it is beautiful.”

I hope you all enjoy your day, look for more updates as we continue this journey.

Dee

The Journey of 2022….AKA Getting Braver….

This year was finally the year for our next big adventure. Mat is healthy and feels like he can make a long car ride. Thus, we talked about where to go. We talked about North and to Mount Rushmore and come back through Colorado and see our favorite place. Manitou. Then something hit me like a ton of bricks. Warm sandy beaches and not just the dirty sand of Oklahoma, but the white sandy beaches that I have dreamed of seeing all my life. Florida is the answer.

Florida is actually just a few days drive for us. Yes, they are long days but technically not as long as going to our favorite place Manitou. Seven and a half hour days seem actually pretty easy. So Pensacola was decided. White sandy beaches, pretty blue water and a place that is full of history. Something we all love. I found an Air BNB that was the perfect fit for our small family and affordable. Only a little over six hundred for only four nights. It is a small cabin on a private lake, while it is not right on the beach, it is only 25 minuets away, a simple drive and when we want to do more than just see the beach, we can stay right around where we are staying!

Thus, we saved for about six months, put our vacations on our work calendars, and made our reservations. As I am writing this, we have completed the first leg of our journey. We packed our bags and instead of rushing about and leaving early Mat is teaching me this is vacation, and we have time. There are no reasons to get in a hurry. We have planned this trip well. Two days to travel to our destination four days there then two days home. All in our time. We stop when we want, and we relax and just take our time. This is a new concept to me. I am so use to hurry up and get there that I miss half the stuff that I could have seen. I am really enjoying this trip. I have just two kids with me this time as the older two are home with jobs and adult responsibilities. Then there is Mat, this is his first trip with us. In his own words this is his first vacation with his very own family. We are all smiles and full of excitement.

The drive has been simple so far and we have carefully mapped the next leg. Something with very few turns and hopefully one that has amazing views. This is all of our first time to visit these states. Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and finally Florida. Four states seven hours and bonding time with each other.

I have never been so nervous for a trip. Most big trips I’ve taken someone else has driven with the exception of when we went to Colorado the first time. The second time we went my daughter’s boyfriend drove there and home for us. I love to drive. I love the music Mat has been playing for us and we have had some great laughs as Mat has told us stories and inside jokes that him and his friends shared in their youth. I fall in love with him more and more as the miles pass.

I think back just a few years and if you knew me then, all of this would be a no go. I let fear rule my life. I let outside people tell me that trips like this would probably be way to much for someone like me. I am proving those people wrong, yes the drive through Dallas wasn’t without some uneasy moments but those moments passed quickly and once again Mat’s take our time attitude paid off in a big way. Thus following someone on an interstate that was doing 48 mph instead of the posted 70 only drove me a little crazy. Yet it wasn’t long and the small car took a different exit and was out of our way and on to being in someone else’s.

So far I have really enjoyed the drive even if we haven’t even left the state of Texas yet. Tomorrow is when we finally get to see the new states. All of us at the same time. What a bond we will create!

We are now tucked into bed and they are kindly waiting on me to turn the computer off so they can go to sleep. It makes me smile as there have been so many nights when we were at home that they have kept me up so this is just a little poetic justice. Wish us luck tomorrow as we face the unknown and go where this group of Rhea’s have never gone before, the white sandy beaches of Florida.

Dee

The Journey of A Lioness

I named my blog that a long time ago. I wanted to be the woman who traveled all over and did amazing things. Yet that was not the path God saw fit for me. Instead the journey has been on a path that I am not an expert on. Funny how God takes the most inexperienced and creates a being that is beautiful and understanding that, while they are the most ill equipped they are in fact the right person for the job. Because they believe God is with them. It is that belief that pushes me forward. Not in fear but in humble respect. And with every trench, with every wave, and with every mountain, the fear subsides and you become you. Death was the path the mission was finding Life.

We all struggle sometimes. We get in a routine we find ourselves day in and day out doing the exact same thing and the next thing we know a year has flown then two. Soon it will be three years gone and there are some days that feels impossible and others that feel as if it was forever ago.

Yesterday was a hard day for me. The day Ed passed played over and over again in my head. In full detail. I can remember those first few hours as sharply as if it were yesterday. I told no one. I went home and put on a smile and then took a long hot shower. Soaking in the love and warmth of my kids and Mat. Telling myself that I am still here, I am breathing and moving and I have a purpose and I need to be focusing on it. I am not perfect. I am far from an expert at dealing with grief. But I’m starting to wonder where the damn finish line is. When will days like these stop waving over me? The good news is that for the first time yesterday I didn’t let it just break me. I pushed back, I thought of all the good times Ed and I had and then I basked in all the great ones Mat and I have built since. A reminder that Ed wants his family to be happy to continue Living. It really hit me then that I have not been chasing my dreams. I’ve been going to work and coming home exhausted with a to do list a million miles long. I blame it on the holidays. The truth is I have not been running and my energy level has crashed. So it is time to get back to it. Even though I know the work it will take, I know the payoff. So it is time to do what I love. Finish my second book and start on the third.

Chasing dreams is what makes me feel alive. I have the time and the desire and the only thing stopping me is well me. Sometimes you just have to get out of your own way. This may not be the best way to deal with grief but today it is how I am doing it.

As always I want to know what do you do? What is your HEALTHY way of dealing with grief? The only way to deal with death better is by actually Dealing with it!!! Your one tip could help someone in a big way. Be brave step up and let’s talk!!

Dee

The Dreaded Debate….

Today I saw a post asking the big question on everyone’s mind. Is it too early for Christmas? Most people say Yes!! And shout it from the roof tops. Complaining about stores with their Christmas stuff out and how their neighbor just put lights up and maybe even a tree!!!

My daughter even showed me a picture of a turkey telling Santa that Thanksgiving was is day and to back off!!! I laughed as it was very cute. Yet the post asking about too early stuck with me. Mainly because the author is really good, but also because it made me think of all the reasons why someone would put a tree up this “early”. Let me tell you I came up with some really good ones and by the time I was done thinking about them too early was just a small thought.

We never know what is going on in the lives of our neighbors or coworkers. Not really. I thought of things like maybe a mother or grandmother was lost during the year and she loved Christmas so the tree was put up early to honor her. Because she was missed so much that by putting up that tree it seemed to bring just a piece of her spirit back. Maybe the young couple had been struggling for the last five years to have a baby and finally after all kinds of tests and tries, they finally get to tell the family that they are expecting and decided to do that by hanging a “babies first Christmas ornament“ up on the front of the tree. Maybe a parent started a new job and it pays so well that the tree and all the ornaments are brand new carefully picked out by each child and Christmas this year promises to be the best yet. Maybe another family was so blessed that they are going to give another family and they can’t wait for it!

These are just a few reasons I came up with as to why it’s not too early. All these things are the magic of the season. They are the joy, peace, and love that we all wish for each other during this time of year.

Is it too early? I’m sure you can give a reason for every one that I have as to why it is. Yet in the end I only ask this. Do we not walk around wishing the whole year would feel like this? Full of excitement full of love? We do and if you don’t I ask that you watch Scrooge a few times. Or maybe the Grinch. The season is not about the gifts but about the magic, the love, the joy.

I say put the tree up!!! Let the season begin!! So that maybe the magic last just a bit longer.

Dee

Thanksgiving…..

We have made it!! It is finally the Holiday season. This truly is my favorite time of the year. It is like Halloween is the big kick off for me. This year Mat and I sat outside on the patio by a roaring fire. I dragged out my old DJ sound system and some lanterns and old Christmas lights and had the whole side yard lit so people could see us. We headed out with our large bowl of candy and hopes of kids showing up wanting it. The evening was perfect for Halloween, warm with little wind and clear beautiful blue sky. Normally there are no kids that come to our side of town since there are few houses on it anymore and the ones that do live there are out with their kids. So I made sure to post on my social media that we were home and we had candy!! Mat and I enjoyed the evening so much and we even had kids stop by. Yes there were a few times that we had to shout “Yes we have candy!!!” Which made us giggle as much as the kids.

My son and his friends all piled into the back of our truck while my oldest daughter drove them all over town. Once it got pretty dark time was up. Mat and I decided to take them all home while my daughter sat and relaxed by the fire. We listened and giggled as the kids talked about their “haul”. Then we heard the best thing a parent can hear, “this was the best Halloween yet!” This was agreed upon quickly and Mat and I just smiled. You don’t always get wins in life as a parent so the small ones count a lot.

For me this is when the magic of the season starts. I love Halloween because it encourages kids to use their imagination, and it reminds us older people that magic is still possible.

Now that the season has started I am so excited. To see family, to dress up for parties, to be reminded that life is not all about chasing the all mighty dollar. It is about people, it’s about love. It is about God and taking the time to stop and really be thankful for all the blessings that are in your life. You know the family you have, the home, the job, your health. Why because not everyone has that. The past two years have been years full of loss. Jobs, family, friends, freedom.

The one thing that has always kept me going has been my family. I am so thankful for all of them. Life may be harder for some of us, but we have each other and that is all that matters.

So while I begin planning for Thanksgiving dinner and buying early Christmas gifts, I just thank God that I get to do that. I am so blessed. I may not have the big fancy job, or bring home a huge check, but God has blessed me with enough. Enough to make it in life with a little left over even. That is blessing. I pray that you too remember your blessings even if they are the smallest things. They could be the very thing someone else is desperate to have.

May the magic of the season build for you and when the season is over you smile because it was full of laughter and life.

Dee

Simple Things Matter…..

My new job isn’t the most exciting job in the world. Some days things are busy and full of laughter and people. Then there are days where the weather brings everyone to a stop. The cold is peaking its head around the corner and suddenly we see people wearing coats and hats. Don’t get me wrong, I love this season. But it can make for some very long work days.

It is during these days I find my mind wonders way too much and thoughts creep up that catch me off guard. Bringing unexpected emotions with them. I’m not encouraging people to stuff their emotions. But there is a time and a place for them and work is not really one of those.

So I have had to find a way to keep my mind busy. The answer for me was simple. A small sketch book and a bunch of pencils. I started with faces. This is a difficult task and I have found that I had to get a bigger eraser because I tend to make a lot of mistakes. The thing with faces you can’t just jump in and be done in just a half hour. Most of my sketches took a few days. Once I got a few done I decided that it was time for something new. So I switched to land scapes and let me tell you they were even harder!! Yet I loved them so much more than faces. I also found I could go a bit faster with one. I also found that I loved them more. With faces you had to bring emotion to the eyes and that is not always easy to do. With landscapes things just seem easier.

While drawing, or doodling, which is what I’ve been calling it my mind seems to relax and I feel more balanced. I miss writing but one can only write so much before they run out of words right? All I know is that this small simple thing has brought joy to my life and a balance that I didn’t know was missing.

The odd thing is I realized another piece of me had fallen into place. It is odd because that piece feels old. Like it had already been a part of the puzzle, it just wasn’t where it belonged. Another thing is I really thought that the puzzle was all new. That a new me was walking around. Nope some things are just so much a part of who we are they can never really be lost.

My doodles are simple and I love them. I also love the old familiar piece of me that has been gently put into place.

Dee

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