We find ourselves months after Ed’s passing just ready to be away from everyone, it happens. You want to be around people that don’t look at you with that look. So for the first time ever I loaded up three of the four kids, the forth has a job and had to stay home to work, and we headed to Colorado. I have never taken my kids somewhere by myself. I have dreamed of it. Of travel, of seeing mountains, of breathing the “clean mountain air” that my father always talked about when I was a kid. So we climbed into the mini van and just left. For most people that is a common thing to travel. Not in my family, and I have decided that it was time that we did that. It was finally our turn. What we found was that we travel pretty well together and the unknown is fun as long as the GPS is working.
We learned that we are scared adventurous people. Meaning we may walk up to the roller coaster but it is very likely that we just might not get on. No there are no roller coasters where we went, but there was Seven Falls. A beautiful place to sit and listen to the sound of people, and well water once you learn how to shut the noise of people out. Something that takes discipline. Instead of just watching everyone else walk up the steep metal stairs I push my kids up. Let me tell you my own legs were shaking due to the fear of heights, but my pep-talk was a great one. It was something like, “Don’t you want to say that you did something hard, and did it well? That you made it to the top and back down? You did that, something most stop only halfway at. Think of how great we will feel back down here having completed something that feels impossible.” So up we went. Let me tell you what, there was one point that halfway sounded really good. But something inside said that it is only at the top that you finish the journey the first step. 224 very steep narrow stairs later we reach the top. It’s not easy, your legs really do shake and you’re tired and you are grateful that you are on flat land once again. The view is amazing and breathtaking. Of course that could be the lack of oxygen from the climb. But oh the climb is so worth it. Why? Because you stand there with the rest of the brave folks who just did what you did and you smile. You made it. You take pictures and stand in groups talking about the view and how different the falls sound at each stage.
We did it I think as we stand for our picture that someone kindly takes for us. And I can feel Ed standing there with us. Knowing that this trip would have never been taken if he had been alive. We would have been home with him, but as we stood there, he was with us. Telling us good job and saying wow the view is worth the climb. We say thank you and then realize that now the hard part comes. Going down. It’s a steep drop, and if you think going up was hard, try looking straight down nothing but air and rocks very, very far down. We stand there and wonder if we should have just brought a tent and just live at the top because going down just seems like it’s okay not to do. But we gather close and we start. My youngest daughter, does something amazing, she takes the lead. I am proud of her, she is the youngest girl but also the biggest, and she is going to protect us. So we line up behind her and start our way down. She showed bravery because we were all shaking and wondering if this was really a great idea. We try to take our time coming down but really you just want to be done. When you reach the halfway platform you stop and take a breath. As if you’ve been holding it the entire time. You haven’t but it does feel that way. We only stand at the halfway point for a few minutes and then head the rest of the way down. When we finally reach the bottom we do what no one else seems to do. We celebrate the fact that we just did that! Us, the people who at one time was afraid to even leave the little town we lived in.
There it is my friends, personal growth. We didn’t drive six hours in a mini van just so we could stand and look at the falls. We not only saw them we climbed them. We deserved to celebrate that we did, what we thought was impossible, we worked together as a team and bonded while we did it. Each bringing something more than just a t-shirt home. That my friends was the first step. Doing something you believe to be impossible. For me it was going to another state, to a big city where I just don’t normally go. For my family it was climbing 224 stairs just to take in the view, and came back down them. We grew more in that five minuets of celebrating than we had in years.
This is what death had driven me to, if I could do the impossible, then I could do death. What the truth is, I was already doing death. I may not have been doing it well, but who does it well? Nonetheless I was doing it. And I was showing my children that even at the bottom of the rock looking up at the impossible, climbing out, while it is hard work, is possible and when you get to the top the view is worth every step.
So I encourage you, find your impossible and take your first step.
-Dee
The Journey of a Lioness 