A few years ago I took a personality test at work. I am of course a type “B” personality. It is my natural response. I was also made to feel like because I am a B that I was suddenly a second class citizen and a not so good worker. As if my grade from life was a B and that I was not ever going to be better than that. It hurt and it hurt A LOT. Lately I’ve been thinking about that and how it made me feel. I decided to then do some research. I have since learned that I would much rather be a B than an A anyway. Why? Because the reactions of the A personalities was spot on. Most A personalities are over worked, feel less joy after completing a big project. They tend to beat themselves up because they always believe they could do better. They over commit and really neglect themselves because their reputation is the most important thing to them. They must be liked or at the very least respected. Though they tend to not show others the same kind of respect. When someone points this out to an A personality type their response is defensive and they just claim it is just how they are. Yet when they approach a B personality they expect the B to show what they consider improvement because the answer “it’s just my personality” is an excuse. A personality types show less compassion and are known to be bullies. I know this seems so harsh of me to put out there it really puts A personalities in some really bad light. That is not my intention at all. Also I am sure an A personality is screaming at the screen “that is not true at all!!” They are right, here is something else I learned, most people are not fully an A or B type we all have tendencies that may pull us one way or another but in reality we all pretty much land in the middle somewhere and it is just a few things that get narrowed down to one or the other. Yet the day you are having what is going on in your life could truly influence the way you answer. So one day you could be an A and the next a B. That is what I learned. Here is where I read up on it http://McLeod, S. A. (2017). Type A personality. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/personality-a.html .
I know what you are thinking, “so”? Well here is where I am going with this. I started to wonder if A’s and B’S are so different, does that mean we grieve differently too? I’m not talking about just feeling sad because I truly believe that we all feel sad. I am talking about the way we process grief. Do A personalities walk around pretending to be “perfectly fine” hiding their turmoil because they see it as weakness? Do B personalities walk around with grief always on their face, constantly breaking down and crying everywhere? I honestly don’t think so. After all as someone who has been labeled “B” I had this strong determination not to walk around as the “sad widow”. I think I did well at that. Actively searching for things that brought me joy. I found that in my kids and friends.
This is why I want to do a podcast. I want to learn more about grief. I want to know does your personality influence the way you grieve? Does the circumstances also have a lot with how you grieve too? Is a sudden loss like mine different than watching some slowly over a few months pass? Or is loss truly just loss? This is where my journey has taken me. I have learned a lot about grief, but not nearly enough. I want help people by not making them feel like their grief isn’t important mostly what I am really trying to do is learn one major thing, how to find joy after the loss. The more I learn the more I can walk and see that joy, and by sharing that, I pray it helps others find their joy again too
The personality question it’s just one way to open the door to conversation, to debate it. I just want to understand not the difference between A and B or to even claim that one is better than the other. Both have their faults both have their benefits. I just think it would be something interesting to look at. Just another way to understand grief. After all how can I teach my children to process grief in a healthy way if I don’t clearly understand it. The big question here is can one clearly understand grief at all? It’s time to see.
Please I am looking to talk! Email or post a comment down below. Tell what do you think?
See
The Journey of a Lioness 
Hello Dee. I understand what you are saying about being both types of personalities. You see I have been accused of being a type A personality. I was like you said very defensive about it at first, but then I stopped to think about it and like you did some research. I found out that there are times when my type A personality really takes ahold. For instance there is times in my life when I need to take charge. Things need to get done and I need to be the one to do them. It does not matter who else wants to help I still need to be the one that needs to get it done. Help or get out of my way cause I am going to do it. There are other times when my type B personality takes ahold and I feel like I am frozen in space. When my sister lost her husband a few years ago I was one of the first people she called. My initial reaction was oh God and I felt like I needed to mourn with her. But, the type A side of me kicked in and I just needed to pull myself together and be there for my sister, her family, and our family as a whole. Then reality slapped me in the face. No matter what I did to try to help her she didn’t need my help. She didn’t need me to take charge. That was hard for me to let go of… Type A… I couldn’t say these things to her in person because she would get mad and it would cause drama and I do not like drama, much less I do not like confrontation, so I kept everything to myself… Type B. It wasn’t until much later that I learned that my sister barely even remembered me being there because she was so lost in her grief that faces just seemed to melt together. It wasn’t that she didn’t need me or want me there she just didn’t know where to go or who to turn to, so she turned to the faces she recognized in her grief. Her best friends. Now we all know that sisters are the best friends you will ever have but they are a different kind of best friend. Best friends are a different kind of sister and sometimes you need them more than family. I can only assume that in that time she didn’t want to burden us as her family and we didn’t want to step on her toes. More type B. However, the type A personality can be a little over bearing at times and we tend to take things personally. I was mad that she did not want to talk to me, and that she didn’t need me…. at first. You see I am the oldest of four girls and I want to be that sister that when they call me I am there no matter what. I want to be the one they need, talk to, depend on… Type A. it took a while, and talking to other sisters, for me to realize that no matter what I am that sister they call on, talk to, and need. Just not in every aspect of their life. I want to thank you for writing this blog and opening up a space for conversation. I also read your book and it helped me to understand a few things I didn’t understand when we lost my brother-in-law. so all I can say is
Thank you
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