This weekend I did things that I have been wanting to do. I went shopping, I stayed as long as I wanted to, bought what drew my attention, and I stopped and ate when and what I wanted to. I was in control, it felt amazing. I then went home. I got there early enough to still enjoy some evening time with my family. This felt so good. The next day I spent time watching action movies that I have had on my list of “must see” all day long while I did laundry and cleaned house.
While watching these movies I realized something. In all of them the lead was a woman. She was strong, intelligent, could fight, and yet still had a complex emotional challenge to battle through. In all of them it was fight or die. Some fought for freedom others fought for justice, the main thing was they had friends that stood next to them even if they didn’t fully trust them. They fought with the belief that what they fought for was bigger than themselves and they were willing to die for that belief. These movies got me thinking. Don’t we all do that? If not, shouldn’t we?
I want to fight for myself, I want to believe in myself and my skills just as they believed in theirs. After all why else do we love movies like this? Maybe because in some way we all want that grand adventure. The story we tell our great grandchildren so that they connect to us. Hoping that maybe just one, one person will be willing to say “I remember you” after you are no longer on this world. So I decided that is exactly what I want to do. I want to go on that great adventure but just like the characters in those movies, I have to work. To get strong, so that when I’m on the journey I am able to, throw a punch, so to speak, when I need to.
The Training Is Worth It
I have come to realize no one is coming to fight for me. So I have to fight for myself, and just maybe as much as I would love to have that amazing hero show up and rescue me, maybe I am the one who shows up to rescue someone else. Maybe I am intentionally avoiding what my true calling is. I’m not some side kick in someone’s story but the star of my own. The truth is I have to do the work. The hours of training to get stronger, the study of the things I love so that I understand what is needed and can quickly resolve issues. I mean look if that character didn’t train on how to fly the dang space ship then how would they repair it!
I believe this is where self care and mental health along with physical health come into play. Learning that taking care of these things first is part of the training for a happy life. A life that is safe and strong enough to be able to save someone else. To fight the fight for what we call a good life. What is a good life? Well that is up to you. But let me give you just a little clue as to what it may not be. We are all taught that in order for you to be considered successful you have to make a lot of money, drive the biggest and most expensive car, and have a big beautiful home. I have a lot of friends and family that have all those things, yet, they are not happy. Some take it for granted that it is there. Others were born with it so they don’t know how to fight for it. A fighter, a real hero has always put in the work. And like one of my favorite characters sometimes we have to be told you are not ready to even begin the training. You can’t go into this all halfhearted, you have to be completely focused and disciplined enough to do nothing else but train. You have to be willing to make great sacrifices and maybe be willing to lose every single friend you have to make it. Make it to what? To make it to where you can be stable, present, and be available and there to support someone. We were not made to go to work and come home. We were made for love to connect with others, to share our love with others. That is the good life, to provide safety and security for someone else, success is having that ability but also being able to pass that ability along. That is what I believe is a good life.
So many of us want the good life. A life of little worries and no stress and for some reason we think if we just made a little more money we would have it made. Yet in the end, do you really want to be known as the check book? Don’t you want people to see that you had to work so hard for everything you have? That is the training, the work that is put into the success that most just don’t see. They only see the end result, and learn nothing by reaping the benefits instead of learning how to fight themselves. If we try to skip the training, the hurts, the bruises, the almost fatal injuries, and go the easy route, what value is there when you reach the destination?
I’m not saying that if your life is easy then it has little value. What I am saying is if you want there to be real value and the ability to pass the training on, then you yourself must go through the training. I want that. I want the training the sweat, blood, tears, and all the knowledge that comes with that. So that I’m not just aware of the battle, I am fully and completely ready when it comes, and I can train others to be ready too.
Becoming the Lioness
I feel like the past five years my training has been about finding me. Deciding who I want to be, where I want to be, and the kind of life I choose to live. There has been blood, sweat, tears, heartbreak, and loss. Yet, I no longer let someone else write the story for me, I am the star. I can say no, I can mean no. I can break a heart even if I didn’t want or mean to. I can do that to save myself, to teach that self perseverance is what we need in life. The ability to take a powerful hit and get back up. You don’t have to get back up right away but finding the inner strength to get up, that is what we need. That is where we find meaning, purpose, and most of all our inner hero.
I may not be a super hero, automatically given super powers. But I am my own hero, I have put the training in and I’ve become the Lioness and I will fight to save myself and those whom I love. Because love is the only thing truly worth fighting for.
-Dee
The Journey of a Lioness 