Oh my dear friends. The dark month approaches. I think I am ready for it. In the last year my life has changed drastically. I went from feeling like I had no friends at all to having some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. The catch is they are men not women. I know many of you are sitting there thinking really? Men? I know that many believe that men and women can’t be best friends without one or the other developing feelings. At one time I thought that too. After all I’m the girl that says she is in love with her best friend. But the truth of the matter is this. I am not in love with him. I love him but it isn’t the kind of love that I dream of. He isn’t the man that I dream of.
Dave is in fact my best friend, but so is Jo. It was reconnecting with Jo after all these years that has taught me I am not really in love with Dave. I do care and care deeply but it isn’t romantic love. My heart doesn’t pound out of my chest like it does when I’m around Chad. Yet I have stopped texting Chad, because of my friends. Not because they think it’s a bad idea but because they give me some really good perspective. Chad doesn’t think of me. He doesn’t text really ever. If I text him he does but that is something I no longer want to do. Chase someone that I am interested in. Because that just gets me no where but hurt. So I have slowed down and if Chad is supposed to be in my life then the universe will make it happen.
So I keep doing what I am. Being there for my friends. Our daily talks have help to build this self confidence that I never thought I would have. Yet our bonds only grow stronger. And yes I love them all but I’m learning to match energy with energy and not pour my everything into one person but save it for the one who will matter. Me. Life suddenly feels as if I am finally living again. I am learning how to balance life in a positive way. Doing things for myself instead of trying to find someone to fill my time with I fill it with myself. Doing the things I love and that has made me love me more or maybe just knowing myself better. This is new for me as I have spent most of my life just trying to fit in somewhere. Then the other day a friend from high school posted a picture of a group of us. Our winter guard group with one of our choreographers that we love and are still connected to even to this day. We all had the same reaction, those were some of our happiest days. It was good to see that and remember that I was a part of a group of people that loved what we did and who we were. I am getting back to that. While it’s not a dance team it is truly a team of friends who are going to support and love each other no matter what is going on in this life. While Dave and Jo have never met, they do know about each other. What I love is that Jo cheers for Dave and Princess just as much as I do. He tells me all the time, how is it you seem to have dragged me into your “Hallmark” movie. My answer is simply if you told the story to anyone else they may not see what we do. But because I tell the story from the point of view of hope, you find yourself wanting what we all know Dave wants, Princess. We all stand there and quietly hope that one day Dave gets the courage to tell her he is in love with her. All though like the rest of us, I am sure she already knows that. He doesn’t have to say it, his actions do that for him.
The new love of my life: My Podcast
My podcast is going well and I am excited each week to bring in the next episode. I truly feel like I am doing what I am passionate about. Telling stories and while it is a lot of work it is work that I love. Each episode is getting better than the next and being this creative is good for me. I think my next project is to think about future episodes and really my first episode with a guest! This is exciting for me. One step at a time. While I would love to have experts on my mind says who is the better guest? The expert who has “studied” a topic or someone who has lived it? Maybe a little of both. I am excited about the next step and I have a lot to get ready for it. One step at a time.
I do want to say thank you for all of your support and for staying connected to the blog. The podcast is about getting to where I am. But this, the blog is about where I am right now. I am writing like crazy and I have never been this happy to be doing it. The universe knows my deepest desire and I am chasing it with all my heart. As for the man of my future, I hope he is ready for a life of excitement and support and love and friends. Connection it is everything.
So what do you think? Are you drawn to a podcast that has a ton of experts on it who writes the book so to speak? Or are you drawn to personal stories from real people who lived through the hardship and made it to the other side? I would love to find that balance between the two and really combine the two. One day at a time is all I need.
-Dee
The Journey of a Lioness 