I did it again I made a career change and it has so far been amazing. Truly bringing me excitement and pride. I am the office manager for a local lawnmower distribution facility. I love it there. It is a small company but one that has been around for a very long time. It is a family business and a good atmosphere. I have had a struggle with the girl who is leaving. As I am taking her place and then some. She was only the accounting clerk. Where I am fully running the office. They also hired a part time accountant that is extremely helpful. Not that I couldn’t do the job but it allows me to focus on HR and the other things that I have top skills in. I am happy.
The other big change, I have done it! I have now released four episodes of “Chasing Life.” https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-zza9a-187d0a7
Once again I’m chasing dreams and not caring about if it is big or not! It has allowed me to be so creative. I have enjoyed coming up with what content I am putting out and where I want the podcast to go! I am no way near as good as I want to be but I am certainly not awful. After five weeks I almost have 100 downloads already! I know that isn’t much but for a podcast that is done by an unknown person it feels like a lot. At least someone out there is listening.
As for the rest of life, well it is going good too. The Saga continues and while nothing romantic has happened lately, I still have the guys to talk to and enjoy the short conversations I’ve had. Chad still keeps his distance and I need to let him. Why? Because I am not where I want to be. I need to be more determined to get into shape. I have good intentions but late night talks with Jo leave me exhausted and wanting to sleep until the last possible moment before getting ready for work. I know that working out would help with that. I should just walk on my treadmill while talking to Jo. I don’t know why I haven’t done that but I think I will try that tonight.
The conversations with Jo are deep and physiological and at times has helped me in the direction I want to go with the podcast. I have been pretty good the last week of saying its ten o’clock time to get off the phone. I know that he is lonely and living in a hotel in a state that he really doesn’t like must be terrible. But he has a plan and soon he will come to visit. I’m happy he is coming but I am afraid that he is making decisions based on our conversations. While nothing romantic has been said. We do tell each other we love each other, but we have always done that. He is a friend that I met years ago, when in high school. I just have a feeling that he wants more than just friendship. And at this time in my life I just don’t want that. Even if Chad were to show up and say “I want you.” I would have to say sorry not now. I would be crazy for doing that but I really like the journey I am on. I am single and I am happy. I have peace and I am just not giving that up.
Dave? You ask. Oh Dave and I talk daily. He truly is my best friend. While I have told him about Chad, we don’t talk about him much. Heck there really isn’t something to talk about. Chad as I said, is very distant. If I text he does reply, a few times he has even texted first. It took a while for him to do that. I just have to remind myself that he has just had his heart broken! He needs time and space, and I like being confident enough to give him that. Yes I check in every few days but if he doesn’t answer or takes a while in answering I just don’t think anything of it. If we are meant to be then the universe has it all under control and I don’t have to do anything. The right man for me will make his intention known and I won’t have to do a thing.
Just like Dave, I didn’t have to do anything. He just shows up. He calls he checks in. He cheers me on and I support him as well. Yet there is also understanding between us. I know he loves Princess. Do I understand the complicated love life he has? No one bit. But I don’t have to. All I have to understand is his and my friendship. It is one that will last for a very long time. We are teaching each other how to be that kind of friend. I believed that that kind of friendship could only come from another woman. I was wrong. He truly is my best friend and I love him very much. He may not tell me that, I mean he has once, but it doesn’t matter because his actions say it for him. He does care about me deeply and my happiness makes him happy. That is true friendship.
So for you out there that are looking for a best friend, and like me struggle with being friends with other women, then look around I’m going to bet that you have a guy friend that you are close to. He could possibly be the very best friend that you are looking for. I may not have women in my circle, that is okay. Because the men that are in my circle are strong, emotionally intelligent, and funny. I always know where I stand with them, I don’t have to worry about judgment, about gossip, or about having to impress them. I am simply myself. A supportive friend that yes tells them when they are being an asshole. I love them all very much and I thank God for putting them into my life.
I’m am happy. More importantly I am single and happy. And after almost six years of deep grief and sorrow and so many trials, I have finally found who I am, where I’m going, and what I am passionate about. And I am surrounded by people who I love. As my son says, life is hard but I am so glad I am here to live it.
-Dee
The Journey of a Lioness 