Year Five

It is so hard to believe that this year will mark five years since my life changed. It was a change that I didn’t know was coming. It was not easy, if you read my past blogs you will see that they reflect that long journey out of the trench that life threw me in. From losing my husband to finding myself. It has been a road of figuring out just exactly what God’s plan for my life was. I learned to be more self confident, I had to be more gentle with my own inter-talk. I am always kind to others, I had to learn to be kind to myself too. I had to learn that I am so much more stronger than I thought and once I tapped into the strength that God sent me, I have become a force. 

I have also come to the conclusion that God has big plans for me. I just had to stop being so mad at him for taking my life and giving it a 90 degree turn. I was not ready for it, yet after closing my eyes and just holding on and letting go, God has seen me through. I look forward to this year, for last was such a hard one. Losing my mother-in-law was much like losing her son. She was a best friend, an advisor, and a cheerleader. I am a better person for loving her and knowing her and her son. I do my best to make her proud. I think she watches over me and is with me often. I find myself talking to her more than I talk to her son. He is one that I still struggle to speak to, if I try I just end up in a huge blubbery mess. He is not going to understand a single word though I am certain he knows my heart. He also knows that we speak of him often and celebrate him and his life. I also know that together they know, my heart. There is just no way of ever being ready to lose those we love so dearly. But when we lean on God, he does help us through.

This new year, will mark an amazing one I believe. I will finish my third book and hopefully maybe even the fourth. I seen a famous person talking the other day, I can’t say whom because I don’t have permission to say, but that person made a huge impact on me. The person talked about what our gift from God was, it was the one thing that we as an individual can do so easily without thinking about it. The person talked about having a passion knowing from a young age just exactly what they wanted to do. That person has done what they set out to do. Even though that journey was filled with the hardest obstacles that anyone could face. Don’t give up on God. Don’t let others take away from you what God has planned for you. The person said “If you woke up today, it’s because God hasn’t given you all that he has planned for you. Get up follow that passion and go out and work, and put the effort in so that God sees that you are ready for what he has planned for you.”

My passion has only ever been one thing, writing, story telling, teaching. All of these things are tied together. For me some of the best books in history tell amazing stories with Characters that we fall in love with, and a life lesson hidden deep in the lines that only jumps out at you at the very end. Even books with sad endings that leave tear stains on the fragile pages, they still teach a lesson. The books that we tend to remember so well are the ones that have a direct impact on how we see life or how we feel about something.

My life long dream was to write a book that changed someone’s life. That helped them out of darkness and into a place where they could wake up and be thankful for another day that they get to do what they are passionate about. If they are not doing it now then hopefully they wake up with the renewed spirit to continue to reach for what they are passionate for.

Passion drives this country. Without it we wouldn’t have the beautiful works of art that we have, or the modern medicine that now helps cure things we never thought possible. Think of the all the technology that is now at our fingertips, that wouldn’t be possible if someone didn’t wake up and pursue their passion and chase after what God had intended for them. I want all the good things that God intended for me. Even if it isn’t much more than what I already have.

Yes, five years ago our lives took that 90 degree turn, but even in the hardship I have to say that I am thankful to God for getting us through. Though we are heartbroken we are indeed blessed, and we are still here to chase after God and all the good he has intended for us.

I pray that this year if you do not know your passion that you too start the journey of finding it. Do a million little things you’ve never thought you would do, maybe something will click. Or maybe you just build up the courage to finally do the one thing you know in your heart you were made to do. That has been my biggest achievement the past year, learning how to have courage. I may still fight fear many days but I’m doing life afraid and learning that courage is right there where I didn’t know I had it.